Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Our children will be exposed to narcissists, nasty teachers, selfish room mates as well as kind generous authentic people every day. Healthy boundaries go in both directions and we can only teach our children how to protect and love and honor themselves and to make wise choices. Why, then, should it be any worse or more … Continue reading Heal Your Children Through Yourself
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter We routinely have people in positions of authority in our lives deliberately and intentionally creating confusion and power imbalance to play on our vulnerabilities. Now these exploitive human parasites who I call “glittered turds” cannot announce to you and the world their true intent can they? How then would they be able to … Continue reading Heal the World? Heal Yourself.
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “If you lack the values or the integrity of character on which the Constitution was founded, its value will have no meaning to you, but its power will.” Humans, all humans, are designed to be the happiest when we are acting on our free will and setting goals and working towards achieving them. In … Continue reading My Thoughts on President’s Day: It’s Time for the World to Heal Its Pain
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “The fabric woven by our forefathers that sustains our livelihood and supports our collective happiness and emotional and physical fitness is unraveling. The needle on the moral and ethical compass that supports them has been replaced with a pain- and fear- based one. So rather than use and improve the system that sustains and … Continue reading The World Needs to Heal and Take Its Power Back
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter One of my neighbors (I will call him Joe) knocked on my door yesterday. I had not seen Joe or his wife for a few months. I was very happy to see him although he caught me in my pajamas. However, I soon found out that it was not a cordial visit. … Continue reading Healing Lessons Inspired by My Neighbor’s “Knock on My Door”
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I am going to start this article with the following excerpts from the description of the mission and vision at the Yourlifelifter Facebook Page. You will see in a moment why. “Yourlifelifter is a specialized healing and information center for narcissistic abuse survivors and others seeking emotional freedom.” “Yourlifelifter was founded by Evelyn … Continue reading Profound Lessons on Humanity and Healing after the United States Presidential Election
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “Living alone kicks us into self-benefiting actions that build the personal stamina and skills, knowledge, and abilities that allow us to become self-sufficient and self-assured, self-reliant on ourselves to bring us joy, optimal health, and the relationships that nurture our soul. Living alone allows us to have ‘skin in the game’ of our lives and to … Continue reading How Living Alone and Being Single Build Emotional Health
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter The legitimate healers as well as influencers and authors, the real game changers on social media like Kristin Walker, Melanie Tonia Evans, Dr. Lynne Namka, Shahida Arabi, Glynis Sherwood, Dr. Judith Orloff, Christine Louis de Canonville, Kim Saeed, etc. know that ours are not necessarily the most popular websites and Facebook pages. We understand this … Continue reading How Much Do We Need to Know About Narcissism to Heal?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Excerpted from Take Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips and Tools for Abuse Survivors. How will your recovery and healing after narcissistic abuse look and feel to you? Everyone’s road to recovery is different. We all learn, process information, and cope differently. But how will real recovery look? The survivors and thrivers say it is wonderful, … Continue reading A Look into the Future of Your Healing Journey
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I write extensively on the Blog and at the Yourlifelifter Facebook page reminding abuse survivors that healing is all about them, not their abusers and how focusing too much on their abusers will prevent them from healing and taking their personal power back. I would like to expand on this topic especially with the recent … Continue reading Beware Narcissists Posing as Healers
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter As the owner and founder of Yourlifelifter, a healing page on Facebook and website that serve as “A Truth-Based Healing and Information Center for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors and Others Seeking Emotional Freedom,” I have witnessed first hand the miraculous healing power of social media. Facebook and the World Wide Web have allowed me to provide … Continue reading Facebook and the Power of Healing
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Albert Einstein Let’s look at traditional medicine and ask the same question that Doctor Phil frequently asks: “Is it working for you.” Well, it is very obviously not working for the patients who continue to suffer … Continue reading On Functional Medicine, Truth, and Healing from Abuse
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Excerpted from Take Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips and Tools for Abuse Survivors. Purchase a copy here. As discussed in detail in Take Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips and Tools for Abuse Survivors, victims of abuse have been conditioned to think like victims. It is this thinking that hinders recovery. Victims can … Continue reading Five Major Fundamental Healing Truths
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We all have inalienable rights to pursue life, liberty and happiness. Absolutely we do. However, if we are prevented from pursuing them because we have damaged the only vessel that we have to travel in that journey, we are sabotaging not only our own health and happiness but also our children’s by teaching them … Continue reading How Abusive Childhoods Cause Us to Sabotage Our Health and Happiness
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We, in essence, have to heal and grieve from multiple doses of betrayal and the accompanying toxic shame and self-loathing and exaggerated feelings of powerlessness.” Narcissistic abuse survivors are frequently told to “get over it and move on.” This is not only ridiculous and inappropriate, it is also impossible. Abuse victims have suffered … Continue reading How Do We Heal and Mourn After the Loss of a Narcissist?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I write frequently about the differences between aggression and power. I’d like to expand on this topic as it relates to harm, fear and danger a bit more because understanding this is critical to your healing We Believe Falsely that We are Defenseless After we are repeatedly harmed, our fear and other pain-based responses … Continue reading Why Understanding the Differences Between Harm, Fear, and Real Danger is Fundamental to Your Healing and Well-Being
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Are you compassionate? Empathetic? Well, if you are, you are one of 40% of the population who are a prime target for scapegoaters, bullies, narcissists, con-artists, and sociopaths who comprise a subset of the remaining 60% of the population. So being a “nice” person is your double-edged sword and most likely why … Continue reading Understanding Why Narcissists Targeted You is Fundamental to Healing
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I read something disconcerting today. Someone was making derogatory comments about people in need and taking handouts, what we commonly refer to as “moochers.” Here are my thoughts relating to mooching as it applies to emotional health, relationships and current events permeating our lives. What is Mooching? Mooching is a necessary part … Continue reading How to Effectively Identify and Deal with Emotional Moochers
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Parasitism is just a nifty, natural, and adaptive but potentially harmful behavior that allows living things to benefit without have to work that hard. It is nothing more than a survival tool that allows a needy living thing to sustain itself at the expense of another. Parasites can exist between different as well … Continue reading The Natural But Parasitic Nature of Narcissists
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I write frequently about the damage of narcissistic abuse in families and the pandemic of pathological narcissism across the world. I am also committed to help people not only heal from narcissistic abuse but also protect themselves from the immeasurable harm from toxic people, relationships, and environments. In fact, these lessons are pretty easy … Continue reading Useful Tips to Identify Toxic People in Your Life
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Truth and personal power are real and they are attainable. But to attain them, takes hard work, work that we turn into wisdom that we use to drive our decisions and beliefs and chisel our characters that we source for power and resilience to set and achieve goals that we are confident … Continue reading Truth and Personal Power are Not An Illusion
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We are a world in crisis because we have not improved our wounded faulty thinking. Because we as a collective have not healed and have not effectively battled the ‘evil’ component of humanity and society who we continue to birth, promote, be exploited by, vote for in key decision-making positions, and allow … Continue reading Terrorism, Politics, and the Pandemic of World-Wide Narcissism
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I’d like to clarify a huge misperception related to relationships, narcissists, and abandonment that will help facilitate recovery for narcissistic abuse survivors. Now, any normal human being would think that if the person they love abandons them and leaves (for no obvious or apparent reason), then something is wrong with me not them. The normal human … Continue reading Why the Narcissist’s Leaving is a Blessing
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter We can see the biggest differences between narcissists and authentically “good” people when it comes to work, commitment, and obligation. Can a narcissist be nice? Sure! Can a narcissist be charming? Of course! Do narcissists have redeeming qualities, talents, skills, abilities? Sure, they do. Can narcissists work? Absolutely. They can work very very hard! … Continue reading Narcissists, Character, Work, and Obligation
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Narcissists do not limit their targets to just nice people or empaths. In fact, they target anyone who is willing to provide them narcissistic supply regardless of the source. Remember that narcissism is on a continuum so the levels of severity in their depravity vary. Nevertheless, regardless of who is the worst or better narcissist or more … Continue reading Do Narcissists Target Other Narcissists?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I am posting this letter I received with permission from the author that describes poignantly the pain experienced from narcissistic abuse as well as the power we all have to heal after narcissistic abuse! I would like to thank the author personally for trusting me with her heartfelt, gut-wrenching, beautiful, powerful and courageous words. … Continue reading A “Dear John” Letter to a Narcissist
I as a victim of abuse for a large part of my life searched for decades for truth my soul was starving for. And now I share that truth with others. One of the hardest lessons I learned is that truly evil and toxic people do exist and that they prey on the truly good people and … Continue reading Don’t Be Fooled by Glitter
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter To put it simply, as related to humans, a family is a group of people who are connected in some way. We have birth families who are connected by genetics. We also have our group of connected friends or neighbors or communities such as Yourlifelifter that are our “families.” We all create and become … Continue reading What is a Family and What It’s Not
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Maladaptive behaviors do not spontaneously develop. They are learned in childhood where we are growing rapidly and learning to become integrated functioning human beings. These vulnerabilities are the result of the legacy toxic shame that we are left with from years of betrayal from those who professed to love us and who were supposed to help … Continue reading How Abusers Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Reprinted from September 15, 2013 I have been puzzled for many years with the answers to these questions: “Why would any decent person get involved with a jerk, Why do bullies target certain people?” And “What do you do to prevent getting hooked up with these idiots in the future?” After researching for over 20 years, I … Continue reading Why Did I Get Involved with a Jerk and What Can I Do About It?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Years ago my cousin Louisa told me that I had the natural ability to make people feel good. Well, I had to think about that for a moment. My first response was, “Well, I guess that is not so bad a quality to have.” It took me years of unnecessary pain, grief, and … Continue reading Learning the Truth About Ourselves After Abuse
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter The short answer? They are aggressive covert parasites with charm. The long answer? They are character disordered. They want to and that is their intention and that is just what they do. They do it to everyone, but they needed you the most to provide them narcissistic supply for a long period of time and you came along … Continue reading Why Do Narcissists Really Do So Much Harm?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Having no contact with narcissists can be most challenging during the holidays when narcissistic abusers typically exhibit their worst behaviors and also use the “spirit” of the season to play on our sympathies, guilt, and exaggerated shame. Holidays provide a perfect time for the narcissists and their flying monkeys to try to hog all the … Continue reading How to Survive the Holidays with Narcissists
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Here’s the simple answer: No! Can narcissists have redeeming character traits? Intelligence? Of course they can. But they permanently lack the qualities we as humans need to build and sustain integrity of character and meaningful healthy relationships. Therapy can help narcissists put on the brakes if they go to therapy and the therapists are skilled in their … Continue reading Can Malignant Narcissism Be Cured?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Bringing clarity to the root causes and sources of the family dysfunction will significantly help alleviate the self-blame and shame that abuse survivors experience and clear a path to healing and recovery. Dysfunctional abusive families are fueled by unhealed pain-based maladaptive thinking that has been passed on from generation to generation to generation. Most recently, epigenetic studies are exploring the factors that … Continue reading What You Don’t Know About Dysfunctional Families, Pain-Based Thinking, and Intergenerational Abuse
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “If we live in fear of anything, we give it the power to overcome us.” ~ Michele O’Donnell, Healer, Minister, Author, and Counselor I have been researching personal power and how it relates to personal success and happiness for decades. Sadly, this is what I discovered. That we have been misinformed about the … Continue reading Control and Personal Power in Power Imbalanced Relationships
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter This is Part 2 in a two part series on power imbalance in abusive relationships. Part 1 discusses misperceptions on the relationship between abusers and their victims and describes the predatory aspects of abuse and the not so obvious causes of power imbalance in abusive relationships. Part 2 discusses further the differences between aggression, … Continue reading Power Imbalance in Abusive Relationships – Part 2
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter This is Part 1 in a two part series on power imbalance in abusive relationships, common misperceptions, causes and effects of power imbalance, and how to correct them. Part 2 discusses further the differences between aggression, power, and control in abusive relationships and how healing allows us to access and rely comfortably on our … Continue reading Power Imbalance in Abusive Relationships – Part 1
The damage from narcissistic abuse is insipid and insidious and the emotional harm from it can be traumatizing. However, do not think for one second that you are defenseless or powerless to narcissists. Narcissists are energy vampires. They cannot generate their own power or energy. In fact, they in themselves are powerless. We fear them … Continue reading Three Ways to Maintain Your Self-Preservation When Dealing With a Narcissist
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “…our pain-based emotions become faulty and lose their intended design functions of being reliable protective safety measures and providing depth and color to our lives. They go haywire and rather than protect us, do us more harm and our children more harm as we teach the same distorted thinking patterns to them as … Continue reading How Emotions Go Haywire in Abuse Survivors
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I hear frequently from readers who fear they are the narcissist and the one with the personality disorder. My answer? “Absolutely not!” This distorted thinking is a consequence of prolonged abuse that started in childhood and its traumatic impacts on your beliefs, self-worth, self-assurance, gauges of reasoning, and your abilities to trust … Continue reading Am I The Narcissist?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter If you are or have been in a relationship with a narcissist or were raised by or among one or more, you have been traumatized by and suffered what I believe is the worst psychological and emotional abuse imaginable. The harm is immeasurable and can go on for years. You will read over … Continue reading 8 Effective Ways to Outsmart a Narcissist
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We cannot see our souls or what we call our self-esteem. However, we know that our souls need to be nourished consistently to sustain our joy.” Truth is again on my mind like usual or more accurately “the search for truth” and its role in nurturing our souls. Here are my thoughts: We cannot … Continue reading How Do We Nourish Our Own Souls
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Have you noticed that the most toxic people have the biggest and the most fragile egos? Ever wondered why? They are part of the facade, the illusion of smoke and mirrors masking a core of deep-seated shame and self-loathing and powerlessness. They are crude covertly aggressive parasitic attempts at taking others’ power for selfish self-serving purposes by those … Continue reading Why are Narcissists Self-Righteous and Manipulative?
Well, the experts are not exactly sure and frequently argue the causes between nature and nurture. Some say genetic disposition. Some say abuse, specifically invalidation including neglect and coddling, the same things in actuality that damage children who go on to become abused adults and targets of narcissists. One thing for sure is that both the narcissists and their targets … Continue reading What Causes Malignant Narcissism?
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “People who sincerely care about you will actively listen and follow. Those who don’t will not. Healing is a time of self-evaluation that provides a great opportunity to clean your closet of legacy unhealthy relationships that are supporting the narcissist’s dirty dealings and preventing your healing and hindering your happiness.” I read … Continue reading Narcissistic Harm by Proxy
Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Ever heard “you shouldn’t feel that way” or “don’t feel that way” or my favorite, “get over it.” This is the single most damaging thing anyone could say to another human being. And this is why. Our feelings and emotions and even our pain-based ones are here to protect us! Our feelings are our … Continue reading You Shouldn’t Feel That Way
8/1/15 Hello, Evelyn. I just wanted to take the time and let you know that your advice on dealing with the narcs in our life is greatly appreciated…I read your posts daily and it has been a great help!!! I’m finally healing…and my children are slowly healing along with me. Thank you!! Once again. H. S.