Heal Your Children Through Yourself

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Our children will be exposed to narcissists, nasty teachers, selfish room mates as well as kind generous people every day. Healthy boundaries go in both directions and we can only teach our children how to protect themselves and to make wise choices. Why, then, should it be any worse or more dramatic because they have a narcissistic parent? … Continue reading Heal Your Children Through Yourself

My Thoughts on President’s Day: It’s Time for the World to Heal Its Pain

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “If you lack the values or the integrity of character on which the Constitution was founded, its value will have no meaning to you, but its power will.” Humans, all humans, are designed to be the happiest when we are acting on our free will and setting goals and working towards achieving them. In … Continue reading My Thoughts on President’s Day: It’s Time for the World to Heal Its Pain

The World Needs to Heal and Take Its Power Back

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “The fabric woven by our forefathers that sustains our livelihood and supports our collective happiness and emotional and physical fitness are unraveling. The needle on the moral and ethical compass that supports them has been replaced with a pain- and fear- based one. So rather than use and improve the system that sustains and … Continue reading The World Needs to Heal and Take Its Power Back

Profound Lessons on Humanity and Healing after the United States Presidential Election

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I am going to start this article with the following excerpts from the description of the mission and vision at the Yourlifelifter Facebook Page. You will see in a moment why. “Yourlifelifter is a specialized healing and information center for narcissistic abuse survivors and others seeking emotional freedom.” “Yourlifelifter was founded by Evelyn … Continue reading Profound Lessons on Humanity and Healing after the United States Presidential Election

How Living Alone and Being Single Build Emotional Health

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “Living alone kicks us into self-benefitting actions that build the personal stamina and skills, knowledge, and abilities that allow us to become self-sufficient and self-assured, self-reliant on ourselves to bring us joy, optimal health, and the relationships that nurture our soul. Living alone allows us to have ‘skin in the game’ of our lives and to … Continue reading How Living Alone and Being Single Build Emotional Health

How Much Do We Need to Know About Narcissism to Heal?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter The legitimate healers as well as influencers and authors, the real game changers on social media like Shannon Thomas, Kristin Walker, Melanie Tonia Evans, Dr. Lynne Namka, Ross Rosenberg, Shahida Arabi, Glynis Sherwood, Dr. Judith Orloff, Christine Louis de Canonville, Kim Saeed, etc. know that ours are not necessarily the most popular websites and … Continue reading How Much Do We Need to Know About Narcissism to Heal?

A Look into the Future of Your Healing Journey

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Excerpted from Take Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips and Tools for Abuse Survivors. How will your recovery and healing after narcissistic abuse look and feel to you? Everyone’s road to recovery is different. We all learn, process information, and cope differently. But how will real recovery look? The survivors and thrivers say it is wonderful, … Continue reading A Look into the Future of Your Healing Journey

Facebook and the Power of Healing

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter As the owner and founder of Yourlifelifter, a healing page on Facebook and website that serve as “A Truth-Based Healing and Information Center for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors and Others Seeking Emotional Freedom,” I have witnessed first hand the miraculous healing power of social media.  Facebook and the World Wide Web have allowed me to provide … Continue reading Facebook and the Power of Healing

On Functional Medicine, Truth, and Healing from Abuse

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Albert Einstein Let’s look at traditional medicine and ask the same question that Doctor Phil frequently asks: “Is it working for you.” Well, it is very obviously not working for the patients who continue to suffer … Continue reading On Functional Medicine, Truth, and Healing from Abuse

How Abusive Childhoods Cause Us to Sabotage Our Health and Happiness

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We all have inalienable rights to pursue life, liberty and happiness. Absolutely we do. However, if we are prevented from pursuing them because we have damaged the only vessel that we have to travel in that journey, we are sabotaging not only our own health and happiness but also our children’s by teaching them … Continue reading How Abusive Childhoods Cause Us to Sabotage Our Health and Happiness

How Do We Heal and Mourn After the Loss of a Narcissist?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We, in essence, have to heal and grieve from multiple doses of betrayal and the accompanying toxic shame and self-loathing and exaggerated feelings of powerlessness.” Narcissistic abuse survivors are frequently told to “get over it and move on.” This is not only ridiculous and inappropriate, it is also impossible. Abuse victims have suffered … Continue reading How Do We Heal and Mourn After the Loss of a Narcissist?

Why Understanding the Differences Between Harm, Fear, and Real Danger is Fundamental to Your Healing and Well-Being

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I write frequently about the differences between aggression and power.  I’d like to expand on this topic as it relates to harm, fear and danger a bit more because understanding this is critical to your healing We Believe Falsely that We are Defenseless After we are repeatedly harmed, our fear and other pain-based responses … Continue reading Why Understanding the Differences Between Harm, Fear, and Real Danger is Fundamental to Your Healing and Well-Being

Understanding Why Narcissists Targeted You is Fundamental to Healing

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Are you compassionate? Empathetic? Well, if you are, you are one of 40% of the population who are a prime target for scapegoaters, bullies, narcissists, con-artists, and sociopaths who comprise a subset of the remaining 60% of the population. So being a “nice” person is your double-edged sword and most likely why … Continue reading Understanding Why Narcissists Targeted You is Fundamental to Healing

Useful Tips to Identify Toxic People in Your Life

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I write frequently about the damage of narcissistic abuse in families and the pandemic of pathological narcissism across the world. I am also committed to help people not only heal from narcissistic abuse but also protect themselves from the immeasurable harm from toxic people, relationships, and environments. In fact, these lessons are pretty easy … Continue reading Useful Tips to Identify Toxic People in Your Life

Terrorism, Politics, and the Pandemic of World-Wide Narcissism

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “We are a world in crisis because we have not improved our wounded faulty thinking. Because we as a collective have not healed and have not effectively battled the ‘evil’ component of humanity and society who we continue to birth, promote, vote for, and allow to promulgate.” This article attempts to answer simply … Continue reading Terrorism, Politics, and the Pandemic of World-Wide Narcissism

Why the Narcissist’s Leaving is a Blessing

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I’d like to clarify a huge misperception related to relationships, narcissists, and abandonment that will help facilitate recovery for narcissistic abuse survivors. Now, any normal human being would think that if the person they love abandons them and leaves (for no obvious or apparent reason), then something is wrong with me not them. The normal human … Continue reading Why the Narcissist’s Leaving is a Blessing

Narcissists, Character, Work, and Obligation

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter We can see the biggest differences between narcissists and authentically “good” people when it comes to work, commitment, and obligation. Can a narcissist be nice? Sure! Can a narcissist be charming? Of course! Do narcissists have redeeming qualities, talents, skills, abilities? Sure, they do. Can narcissists work? Absolutely. They can work very very hard! … Continue reading Narcissists, Character, Work, and Obligation

Do Narcissists Target Other Narcissists?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Narcissists do not limit their targets to just nice people or empaths. In fact, they target anyone who is willing to provide them narcissistic supply regardless of the source. Remember that narcissism is on a continuum so the levels of severity in their depravity vary. Nevertheless, regardless of who is the worst or better narcissist or more … Continue reading Do Narcissists Target Other Narcissists?

A “Dear John” Letter to a Narcissist

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I am posting this letter I received with permission from the author that describes poignantly the pain experienced from narcissistic abuse as well as the power we all have to heal after narcissistic abuse! I would like to thank the author personally for trusting me with her heartfelt, gut-wrenching, beautiful, powerful and courageous words. … Continue reading A “Dear John” Letter to a Narcissist

How Abusers Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Maladaptive behaviors do not spontaneously develop. They are learned in childhood where we are growing rapidly and learning to become integrated functioning human beings. These vulnerabilities are the result of the legacy toxic shame that we are left with from years of betrayal from those who professed to love us and who were supposed to help … Continue reading How Abusers Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You

Why Did I Get Involved with a Jerk and What Can I Do About It?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Reprinted from September 15, 2013 I have been puzzled for many years with the answers to these questions: “Why would any decent person get involved with a jerk, Why do bullies target certain people?” And “What do you do to prevent getting hooked up with these idiots in the future?” After researching for over 20 years, I … Continue reading Why Did I Get Involved with a Jerk and What Can I Do About It?

How to Survive the Holidays with Narcissists

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Self-care can be most challenging around the holidays when narcissistic abusers are free to exhibit the best of their worst behaviors and also use the “spirit” of the season to really play on our sympathies, guilt, and exaggerated shame. After all, our lives had been ones where abusers habitually violated our personal boundaries and we were … Continue reading How to Survive the Holidays with Narcissists

Can Malignant Narcissism Be Cured?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Here’s the simple answer: No! Can narcissists have redeeming character traits? Intelligence? Of course they can. But they permanently lack the qualities we as humans need to build and sustain integrity of character and meaningful healthy relationships. Therapy can help narcissists put on the brakes if they go to therapy and the therapists are skilled in their … Continue reading Can Malignant Narcissism Be Cured?

What You Don’t Know About Dysfunctional Families, Pain-Based Thinking, and Intergenerational Abuse

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Bringing clarity to the root causes and sources of the family dysfunction will significantly help alleviate the self-blame and shame that abuse victims experience and clear a path to healing and recovery. Dysfunctional abusive families are fueled by unhealed pain-based maladaptive thinking that has been passed on from generation to generation to generation. Most recently, epigenetic studies are exploring the factors that … Continue reading What You Don’t Know About Dysfunctional Families, Pain-Based Thinking, and Intergenerational Abuse

Control and Personal Power in Power Imbalanced Relationships

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter “If we live in fear of anything, we give it the power to overcome us.” ~ Michele O’Donnell, Healer, Minister, Author, and Counselor I have been researching personal power and how it relates to personal success and happiness for decades. Sadly, this is what I discovered. That we have been misinformed about the … Continue reading Control and Personal Power in Power Imbalanced Relationships

Power Imbalance in Abusive Relationships – Part 2

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter This is Part 2 in a two part series on power imbalance in abusive relationships. Part 1 discusses misperceptions on the relationship between abusers and their victims and describes the predatory aspects of abuse and the not so obvious causes of power imbalance in abusive relationships. Part 2 discusses further the differences between aggression, … Continue reading Power Imbalance in Abusive Relationships – Part 2

Power Imbalance in Abusive Relationships – Part 1

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter This is Part 1 in a two part series on power imbalance in abusive relationships, common misperceptions, causes and effects of power imbalance, and how to correct them. Part 2 discusses further the differences between aggression, power, and control in abusive relationships and how healing allows us to access and rely comfortably on our … Continue reading Power Imbalance in Abusive Relationships – Part 1

Three Ways to Maintain Your Self-Preservation When Dealing With a Narcissist

The damage from narcissistic abuse is insipid and insidious and the emotional harm from it can be traumatizing. However, do not think for one second that you are defenseless or powerless to narcissists. Narcissists are energy vampires. They cannot generate their own power or energy. In fact, they in themselves are powerless. We fear them … Continue reading Three Ways to Maintain Your Self-Preservation When Dealing With a Narcissist

Am I The Narcissist?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter I hear frequently from readers who fear they are the narcissist and the one with the personality disorder. My answer? “Absolutely not!” This distorted thinking is a consequence of prolonged abuse that started in childhood and its traumatic impacts on your beliefs, self-worth, self-assurance, gauges of reasoning, and your abilities to trust … Continue reading Am I The Narcissist?

Why are Narcissists Self-Righteous and Manipulative?

Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter Have you noticed that the most toxic people have the biggest and the most fragile egos? Ever wondered why? They are part of the facade, the illusion of smoke and mirrors masking a core of deep-seated shame and self-loathing and powerlessness. They are crude covertly aggressive parasitic attempts at taking others’ power for selfish self-serving purposes by those … Continue reading Why are Narcissists Self-Righteous and Manipulative?

What Causes Malignant Narcissism?

Well, the experts are not exactly sure and frequently argue the causes between nature and nurture. Some say genetic disposition. Some say abuse, specifically invalidation including neglect and coddling, the same things in actuality that damage children who go on to become abused adults and targets of narcissists. One thing for sure is that both the narcissists and their targets … Continue reading What Causes Malignant Narcissism?

8/1/15 Hello,  Evelyn. I just wanted to take the time and let you know that your advice on dealing with the narcs in our life is greatly appreciated…I read your posts daily and it has been a great help!!! I’m finally healing…and my children are slowly healing along with me. Thank you!! Once again. H. S.