Evelyn Ryan, Yourlifelifter
One of my neighbors (I will call him Joe) knocked on my door yesterday. I had not seen Joe or his wife for a few months. I was very happy to see him although he caught me in my pajamas. However, I soon found out that it was not a cordial visit.
Joe came to see me because he was suffering. He had been responding to and trying to help and comfort people he cared about who like him, were sad, fearful for themselves and their families, and who felt, during the U.S. Presidential campaign and after the U.S. Presidential election, their livelihood, safety, security, and freedoms were being threatened. Driven by his own compassion and generous heart, he had triggered his own repressed pains and fears from an abusive childhood and now he was feeling powerlessness and defenseless and sad. He was suffering and in emotional pain and was ashamed of his feelings. He did not want to burden his wife or children with his pain. He came to me for solace, help, and advice.
Now, mind you, he is a very powerful and proud over 6 foot tall more than 220 pound man who put his pride aside to reach out for assistance. I am humbled that he trusted me to feel free and comfortable to do that and I expressed this and acknowledged his courage for doing so. And so I listened and he listened to me as we shared our truths and our stories of our pasts, our pains, our children, marriages, our fears, our joys and our survival, successes and our love for our country and our families and our passion for truth.
And this is what I discovered. That our truths aligned. That even though we were of different races, sexes, ages, marital status, educational levels, and raised in opposite sides of the country and different neighborhoods and socioeconomic backgrounds and careers, that are beliefs and characters were more similar than they were different and this is how:
- Our values and beliefs aligned and that we were driven by the same passions to help others and to raise our children to become the best they could be in a country that would allow them the unhindered freedom to do so.
- We were both grateful for knowing each other and being neighbors we could trust.
- We both are resilient and in spite of what some would consider insurmountable obstacles, we both had filled our hearts and souls with gratitude, wisdom, and truth and developed a moral compass to guide, shape and chisel our characters.
- Our mutual respect for one another was founded on the likeness of our moral and ethics based values and principles.
- We both believed we have to earn and work for respect and credibility and trust and are not entitled to them because of our monetary status, title, ego, color, clothes and shoes we wear, socioeconomic status, or beliefs.
- Our love for our children and their happiness and our mutual respect between our children and us bring us the ultimate joy and validation and empowerment.
- Our proudest and most joyous moments are to raise children with high self worth who are pursuing high level goals because they know they can achieve them and are worthy of achieving them, are happy self reliant hard working individuals who stand authentically in their own personal power and will not hesitate to deal effectively with anyone or anything that threatens to get in their way or attempts to exploit them.
- That we had experienced profound betrayal in our childhoods and adulthoods and that had experienced similar levels of pain from both.
However, sadly, I also discovered that we are at different levels of emotional healing. Joe had not accessed, addressed, and healed his repressed childhood pain that was now rearing its ugly head to come back and haunt him. And so I reminded him to take his power back and shared these healing truths, that I detail in my book, Take Your Power Back with him that he confirmed applied to his situation and committed to work on.
- While he was no longer a defenseless child, he needed to tap into his healing power by accepting his childhood powerlessness to his abusers and hold THEM accountable for his pain. He was a child and a victim. He was not responsible for his abuse. He was born lovable and has been exploited and betrayed by those who did not even come close to responsibly love him unconditionally, nurture his needs, and keep him safe and secure (the same responsibilities he had honored as a parent).
- He has the power to heal and that his childhood pain along with his false belief of powerlessness and defenselessness was making him believe irrationally that this truly powerful and righteous man and wonderful loving father, husband and neighbor were powerless and defenseless to his emotions.
- He has the power and worthiness to replace his shame of betrayal from his abusers with self-care and self-compassion and to parent himself with the same love and compassion and respect he shares with his loved ones and on which he parented his own thriving children.
And in validating and sharing these truths and our life lessons, we validated our compassion for others and our passion to help others come into their own truth. And we were reminded that in spite of the hate and bigotry incited and fears triggered by recent political events, that when we unite with others whose truth founded in righteousness, compassion, and a moral compass aligns with ours, that is when the magic, love, respect and healing start. And Joe and I both parted company smiling and grateful for knowing each other and being neighbors.